


Where You Belong

by buffypeppers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Endgame Fix-It, Fix-It, Gen, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, i want to punch marvel, i've been mad since the 25th, what the shit was that ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 08:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19128178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffypeppers/pseuds/buffypeppers
Summary: He looks at Steve’s face and knows Steve is going to do something Bucky will regret for the rest of his life.





	Where You Belong

**Author's Note:**

> This can perfectly well be read as Steve/Bucky, I just wanted to write it with no romance BECAUSE A PERSON CAN CHOOSE THEIR BFF OVER A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS NEVER EVEN DEVELOPED MARVEL GO SUCK A DICK YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS

He knows things will not go as planned. He knows this because, even if his mind isn’t all there, even if decades have passed, Bucky can read Steve’s face like an open book. Steve won’t play by the rules. Steve will make a choice Bucky will have to live with for the rest of his life. Perhaps he should be used to it by now.

The words hurt on their way out; being in his arms too so he has to push away far too soon, unable to look Steve in the eye for a second. Bucky itches to say something more, to ask, to demand, to…

Their goodbyes have always felt unfinished somehow, like there isn’t time for the two of them to just be, to look at each other and be aware of being alive. They are here, in the future, _together_ , something that is a miracle on itself. It feels like, always since that day at the Stark Expo in 1943, there’s been something keeping them apart, even when they’re fighting to reach each other.

Bucky clenches his fists inside his pockets, voice cracking and the corners of his lips pulling into what he feels must resemble a smile. Steve climbs to the platform and Bucky feels the muscles of his body tense painfully in anticipation. His stomach turns, plummets to his feet.

Five seconds have to pass but after just one Bucky already knows his best friend isn’t coming back.

Time stretches like tar.

Bucky understands.

He saw how it broke Steve when Stark died. He knows what Romanoff’s death did to his best friend, how deeply it pierced him. It’s irreparable. Bucky understands that Steve is going to take this opportunity and he will try to escape from a time and place that causes him so much pain, that reminds him of so much suffering. How can Bucky do anything to stop him from searching for some peace?

He clenches his jaw harder, stays in his place.

It feels like a physical weight, thinking about how what remains of his life will have to be built without Steve. He would have never imagined, not after getting his mind cleansed form HYDRA’s triggers and getting a shot at something resembling a normal life. He always pictured Steve by his side. The same way he did when he was in the war in the 40s and let himself fantasies about a future after all the horrors finally ended.

He stares at the empty platform and only hopes Steve spares a thought for him sometime, wherever—whenever he chose to be.

The knot in his throat is choking him and his eyes burn. He stays in place.

Bucky spares a second to remember.

Remember Steve as a kid with scraped knees, Bucky with an arm around his shoulders trying to get the two of them home.

The two as teenagers laughing; sharing a hot dog; another fight because Steve could not keep his mouth shut and Bucky wasn’t able not to follow behind his friend, making sure he would get whole home.

The two as already two young men from Brooklyn, living one day at a time, the only certainty in their lives being that they will have one another.

The war, Bucky grateful Steve is home.

The war, Bucky hating himself for the misplaced feeling of security that had blossomed in his chest for having his best friend by his side in such a horrible place. He hated that Steve wasn’t safe but at least this way Bucky could watch his back, unable to trust any other person to do the job he’s spent so many years honing.

Steve calling his name with an outstretched arm while he falls.

Steve calling his name after decades of nothing and _so much._

Steve under his fists, letting himself be broken, _giving_ Bucky permission to break him because he wasn’t going to hurt him back.

Fighting side by side again.

Disappearing with Steve’s name on his lips.

Coming back to a Steve that looks at him with different eyes, looking like he’s on the verge of telling him something but deciding to keep it inside.

Bucky let’s out a shuddering breath, giving a step back and rubbing a hand down his face. He should leave before doing something embarrassing in front of Sam and Dr. Banner. He turns on his heels and takes a step in the direction of the compound. His legs feel too weak for a second, the realization hitting him fully this time, making his ears ring and his feet freeze on the ground.

He’s alone now. He’s ma and sisters died a long time ago, all his friends, too. All he had was Steve and that certainty was always enough to make him move forward. He may not have spent the last decades frozen in a block of ice, but he did not have time to spare to see the world change, to learn and adapt. Now it suddenly feels like a colossal creature that he has to face by himself.

Bucky cannot help but ask himself if he’s even part of this world anymore, if it needs him, if it wants him. Perhaps…

There’s a pressure on his arm. Bucky blinks and draws a breath. He can hear his surroundings again, the leaves rustling, the birds singing. His breaths are too fast.

“Hey, man, where are you going?”

Bucky doesn’t want to turn or give Sam an explanation.

He clears his throat, hoping his voice won’t fail him. “Gonna… take a walk.”

Sam isn’t letting go of his arm and Bucky glances at him sideways. The man is frowning, studying Bucky’s face like it’s going to give away the explanation Bucky is holding back.

Bucky tries to pull away but Sam isn’t letting go—he’s going to insist, he’s going to want Bucky to talk, to _share_ whatever is in his mind, what’s making him run away. But right now Bucky can’t even look at Sam because he’s another reminder of Steve. The compound is a reminder—the whole future is a reminder and will always be. And what does this mean for him, Bucky wonders with his breath catching in his throat, eyes dancing away from Sam.

The hand slips off his sleeve but only a little part of Bucky’s brain registers this, too concentrated on exploring Bucky’s own future. Perhaps it’s not the best moment to let one get swallowed by such dark and pessimistic thoughts. It’s curious though, Bucky can’t find a reason to postpone it.

He feels his heart against his chest, the blood rushing in his ears, a veil clouding his vision, callused fingers against his face…

Bucky blinks, feeling his mind returning slowly to its own body. It’s too bright and he feels numerous presences surrounding him. He tries to pull away but the hands won’t let go. He swallows a breath and then tries to breathe through his nose, regulate his respiration. Jesus, for how long has he been gone? He’s lost so many years already that five minutes feel like more than it really is.

“Buck?”

“Mm?” Bucky can’t help but answer the voice, leaning forward just a tad. His vision is starting to focus.

“Hey, what happened?”

Bucky doesn’t answer, brain still rebooting. He grips the other man’s forearms. “You came back.”

He did, right? He’s not hallucinating, he’s not about to wake up, drooling on the forest with only Sam and Dr. Banner to greet him. He’s not sure what he’ll do if this isn’t real.

Steve is frowning, one thumb stroking Bucky’s stubble as if on its own accord while his other gloved hand drops to Bucky’s nape and grips it, grounding. Bucky doesn’t even realize that he’s closed his eyes until he hears himself sigh. He tries to straighten up but feels too drained to pretend he’s anything but.

“I thought…” Now it sounds so ridiculous; he shouldn’t speak it into existence. But Steve’s concerned expression prompts him to keep talking. “I thought you were going to stay.”

“Stay?” Now his frown seems even deeper. He looks so confused, Bucky feels really close to laughter. “Stay where?”

Bucky sees Dr. Banner and Sam retreat from the corner of his eye. He tries to smile, make it into a joke. Steve looks at his lips like he doesn’t know what they’re trying to do. It’s funny… Bucky’s spent years using that emulation of a smile around Steve and this is the first time Steve seems to understand Bucky has forged it only for him, to appease Steve when the moment calls for it.

“I-I don’t know,” he gets the words out. He needs some air. Steve should step away from him, let him organize his ideas. Bucky stays in place.

“In the past?” Steve guesses. He sounds horrified, eyes blown wide open.

Bucky finally huffs a humorless laugh, eyes on the ground.

“I finally got you back.” Steve’s voice is only a whisper as if saying out loud will take it away. Bucky looks at him, at his parted lips, like he’s trying to say something else but can’t find the words. Bucky waits. They have time. “Five years, Buck. Sam and you…”

Steve swallows with some effort, eyes too bright. “The last thing you said—” His voice breaks and Bucky understands that Steve has a lot to say but can’t do it now. A lot of trauma too recent and Steve isn’t one to share that kind of stuff.  
“You died saying my name—”

But Steve always pushes himself. Bucky crashes into him, not letting Steve finish the sentence; it doesn’t matter anymore. The air leaving Steve’s lungs when their chests collide sounds like a sob.

Maybe this once, life can spare them some time.

For now, with his arms clutching Steve tight, face pressed to his shoulder, Bucky won’t let go of home.

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck Endgame man, what a piece of shit, and I’m saying this even though I enjoyed myself A LOT watching the movie the first time. I screamed so much with all the theatre…
> 
> But they killed Steve’s character development :))) and the relationship more important to him :))) and his narrative throughout 6 movies :))) and even dragged Peggy into it >:C
> 
> Well, now that I've vented I can finally tell you that if you enjoyed this little fic you can look up other stuff I've written. 
> 
> I have an idea for a longer fic, an Endgame fix-it too. It will have uuh how do I put it, there's going to be more than one Bucky? : ))) Idk I'll see what comes out of my brain.
> 
> EDIT: I’m already publishing a stucky fic yay go to my profile to read it :)


End file.
